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Dear Prudence,

I recently bought a new car in white. My old car was white, my house is white, and my dog is white. I love white as a baseline color and then decorate with colorful art and accents, and fun bandanas in the case of my dog. We have a colorful native wildflower garden and fly a pride flag.

My husband thinks all the white sends the wrong message to our neighbors, as we’re white and live on a street where about half of our neighbors are Hispanic. I feel like being friendly with my neighbors, helping people out from time to time, waving at everyone when I see them, and inviting everyone on the street to an annual cookout is a pretty good demonstration that we’re not super literal white supremacists.

This seems like a non-issue to me, but being a good neighbor is important to me, so what do you think? Are we accidentally whistling something?

—Whoopsie Daisy

Dear Whoopsie Daisy,

Your situation reminds me of a decades-long inside joke—or, not really a joke but one of those weird things someone says that you end up remembering forever—that I share with a friend.

When I was in middle school, my dad drove those wood-paneled station wagons that I’m pretty sure they don’t make anymore. One day, when the two of us were in the back seat, he pulled up to a stoplight and inexplicably mused that a driver who pulled up alongside us and peered inside the vehicle was “probably thinking, ‘Brown people, brown car … must be something going on.’” My friend (the one who played the role of TLC’s Left Eye in my late grandmother’s Alzheimer’s-fueled narrative, if you’re following my family anecdotes) and I laugh about it to this day. Like, what? Why? No, they weren’t thinking that!

Nobody is looking at the colors of pieces of property and people and drawing any conclusions at all. Especially when there are plenty of easily available ways to convey values, beliefs, and political positions. The same applies to your situation. If you wanted to say that you were white supremacists, I can think of a popular, inexpensive sign or flag that would do the job for you just fine. Everyone in your neighborhood is aware of that option, too.

Maybe your husband’s bizarre concern speaks to a real worry that the two of you aren’t living your non-racist values as much as he’d like and don’t have the kind of community ties that allow neighbors to get to know you personally. That’s something to work on that may or may not take less effort than repainting the house and exchanging your white dog for a brown one, but I’m sure the payoff will be much more rewarding.

Dear Prudence,

When my husband and I got married in February, his mother, “Lane,” got so wasted she passed out at her table. She snored all through the toasts and the dancing. People were filming her on their phones and laughing, and it took several people to get her into his parents’ car, so my husband’s dad could take her home. It was absolutely humiliating and cast a pall over the entire reception. Lane never apologized.

With Easter approaching, I am dreading the prospect of a repeat, as we just moved into a new house and agreed to host. My husband says when it happens again, just let her sleep it off. Am I making too big a deal of his mother’s drinking?

—Drunk Distress

Dear Drunk Distress,

Are you making too big a deal of it? I don’t think so. The size of the deal you’re making seems about right. But you are making a weird, misguided deal of it.

This woman passed out cold and missed the entire wedding! Your main concern now—really, your only concern—should be her alcohol consumption and its effect on her health, not whether she ruins the vibes on Easter.

How much is she drinking? What happens if she gets this drunk and falls down when she’s alone? If she missed her son’s wedding, what else is she missing? What toll is her consumption taking on her body? If there’s anything you need to speak to your husband about, it’s a plea to take this more seriously. With everyone already planning to gather for the holiday, maybe it could double as an intervention. Early in the meal, when she’s still awake, of course.

Prudie Wants to Hear From You!

Readers often have great suggestions for our letter writers, occasionally disagree with a point Prudie makes, or simply want to provide some additional advice. Each week, Prudie will be replying to some of these comments and suggestions from readers, which will be featured on the site on Fridays for Slate Plus members. Write to us! Or submit a question here.

Dear Prudence,

I enjoy sex with men, women, and transgender persons. I often find myself in triangulated relationships, and that seems to be the pattern. I recently met a wonderful woman and do not want to hide my true self. For sure, I may lose her or shock her too much, since she is very straight. She shows me much love and affection, and I want to be honest and not lead a secret life. What do I do?

—DownLo

Dear DownLo,

Have you ever come across the piece of self-help advice (the kind that’s typically found on LinkedIn and in TED Talks) that says you should be excited about getting rejections because they get you closer to a yes? It might apply here. If the goal is to find someone who loves you for who you are and is into all the same things as you (or at least accepting of them), the faster you lose people who would reject you, the better.

Classic Prudie

Recently one of my favorite cousins died unexpectedly. My girlfriend and I went to lunch with him and his partner about a week prior to his death, and it was her first time meeting them. Her birthday is coming up, and we’ve planned a small party. In an effort to reach out to my cousin’s grieving partner, I invited him to the party without consulting my girlfriend. Now she wants me to disinvite him and tell him the truth about why…

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