Each week, Prudence asks readers for their thoughts on the letters she’s received. Her reply will be available every Friday.
Hey Prudence,
Re: Not So Holly Jolly: Thank you for advocating against present-giving among adults. I would slightly tweak the formula: Obligatory present-giving (for a holiday, etc.) among adults can go away. I strongly dislike forced gifts, those annual events where I am forced to judge what someone wants, what the right price point is, what the exact tenor of our relationship implies, etc. However, I love a serendipitous finding of a potential gift that reminds me of someone. I was at a museum shop and happened to see a model boat that I felt sure my fisheries friend would enjoy. Whether it’s February, August, or December, that gift comes from inspiration, not obligation.
—Jolly But Not Holly
I enthusiastically accept this edit. Joyfully and thoughtfully chosen, spontaneous gifts are as meaningful as obligatory impersonal presents.
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Hey Prudence,
For Hopeless in Love: Forbidden love is hot. This is something known by cheaters. The very secrecy creates an intense intimacy that can’t be matched. How do you get over an infatuation? Try imagining the object of your infatuation doing unpleasant man things like smelling bad, getting in bad moods, never listening to you or getting the point, leaving messes. Then date in the real world.
—Dupin
I’m kind of amused by the idea of the letter writer composing anti-erotica about the priest stinking and being a bad listener, but this might really work.
Hey Prudence,
So, Sad and Tired is having beautiful dreams about their ex, and the dreams are upsetting. One redirect Prudie’s advice omitted is a dose of romance-reading before bedtime. One widely popular romance is Lord of Scoundrels by Loretta Chase. This is a Regency romance, but there are innumerable very good historical, fantasy, and contemporary romances to choose from. All About Romance, Smart Bitches Trashy Books, and Goodreads have reviews and lists. (Not a reader? There are tons of audiobooks.)
Sad and Tired can redirect their imagination through romance. Not to mention that encountering many different characters that exhibit behavior might give the reader insight into interactions with other people. There have been some romances that taught me practical, applicable things about my own behavior. There have been thousands more, over more than 40 years of reading that included a wide range of nonfiction and a steady diet of romance, that were fun, informative, compellingly imaginative, and more. And yes, I do dream about my favorite characters sometimes. I just wish I had space to list the many, many books I found worth reading, and then rereading.
—Let the Reading Begin
Definitely worth a try. I also love how clear it is that you are a romance expert and use these books for much more than entertainment. If you create an online course called, “Rewiring your brain and recovering from bad relationships through 30 minutes of romance reading a day,” send me a link because a lot of people could use it.
Hey Prudence,
Re Citrus Soured: Make it right. Bring a $100 bill or check to your neighbors and apologize. Then tell your wife what you did. Tell her it’ll be cheaper to buy oranges than to have to go through that again.
—Other Dean
Now this is an apology that might actually mean something to them!
Hey Prudence,
Re Sick of Scavenger Hunts: Help her get as many things as possible set up in her digital wallet. I used to lose my credit cards all the time because I’d use them and then put them in my pocket instead of back in my wallet, and they would disappear. Using tap to pay has made it so that I rarely even open my wallet anymore. Obviously, this doesn’t help if she loses her phone, but if her tickets, insurance cards, credit cards, etc are all on her phone, it’ll at least decrease the opportunities for things to get lost.
Also, maybe look into a code/touchpad lock for your door? Same principle—if she doesn’t have to pull her keys out of her purse, they’re less likely to get lost (and at the very least, you’ll know that she can’t lock herself out even if she loses her keys!).
—FourLeafCarrot
Smart!
Classic Prudie
A few months ago, I took a DNA test to find out my ethnic heritage and after looking at the results online, I saw that I shared a significant amount of DNA with a person who lives across the country (enough to be close relatives). I just received a message from that person explaining that my grandmother had a child decades ago and gave the child up for adoption, therefore one of my parents has a half-sibling and I have a half-cousin I had no idea existed.