Pay Dirt is Slate’s money advice column. Have a question? Send it to Kristin and Ilyce here. (It’s anonymous!)

Dear Pay Dirt,

My boyfriend doesn’t believe in returning things to stores. He thinks it’s wrong, and that if you purchase the wrong size or that if an item isn’t what you expected or even if it’s damaged, it’s your fault for not paying closer attention and you need to live with your decisions. I have always thought this was insane, but also easy to ignore as I buy my own stuff and he buys his. If he’s at mine and sees a bag by the door of stuff I’m returning, he’ll let me know he thinks it’s wrong, and I’ll say, I know you feel that but it’s my stuff, and then he’ll leave me alone. That’s usually the most it comes up.

Well for my birthday, he bought me a duvet cover I really wanted. The first time I laundered it, it got a huge tear in it, which obviously shouldn’t have happened. I asked him if he could forward me the receipt so that I could message the company about their obviously defective product, and he said no! He said he’d just buy me a new one. I said that was ridiculous when the company would probably replace it if I just emailed them. (It’s a good company with a guarantee on its products.) He said it doesn’t matter, he’d rather throw this duvet away and buy a new one. I am just so mad about this I could scream. It is so stupid to buy a second duvet when the company will probably replace the first one! Can you help me convince him that it isn’t taking advantage of anyone to message this company?

—Frustrated Girlfriend

Dear Frustrated Girlfriend,

You’re right that contacting a company about a defective product is completely reasonable—that’s not taking advantage of anyone, that’s exactly what product guarantees exist for. A company that stands behind its products expects to hear from customers. Contacting them when something goes wrong isn’t a moral failing; it’s how quality control works.

Your boyfriend’s belief system seems rigid, and this situation exposes a real flaw in his logic. Ask him this: What if he bought chicken at the grocery store, brought it home, opened it, and it was spoiled? There’s no way to know that by “paying closer attention” in the store—the packaging was compromised. Does he just throw it away and buy more chicken? What if a well-meaning relative gives your future child a gift in the wrong size? Is that the child’s fault for not paying closer attention?

Before you go another round about the duvet, you might also ask him how he developed this belief/value system. Not to challenge him, but out of genuine curiosity. Was he raised this way? Is it about pride or self-sufficiency? Understanding the root of it might open a real conversation rather than another argument—and it might help him hear you differently, too.

Finally, you can make the practical case one more time: The product is defective, the company has a guarantee, and you’d like the receipt so you can handle it yourself. You’re not asking him to do anything except forward an email.

If he still refuses, then consider whether this is a quirk you can learn to love or something that permeates through other parts of his personality. Over the long haul, these sorts of things can rankle any relationship.

Dear Pay Dirt,

I live in an apartment with a roommate called “Erin.” Erin has lived in our apartment for nine years. I’ve been here 10 months. We are both on the lease. (I met Erin through a friend and once she decided she would want to live with me, I applied formally with her landlord.)

My question is about rent negotiation. Our apartment has two bedrooms: one large and sunny and one small and dark. When I moved in, Erin was living the small, dark room and she said that the way the rent was always split in the apartment is that the person in the larger room pays slightly more. So she is paying $1,100 and I’m paying $1,900. At the time, this was so much less than my previous rent that I didn’t even care that I was paying so much more than her. But now that I’ve been here awhile, I’ve realized that it really does bother me. The main reason it’s annoying is because I only am ever in my room, and Erin uses the whole rest of the apartment. For example, I watch TV in my room, but Erin watches it in the living room. Also, Erin works from home and cooks every meal. I commute to work and cook once a week, maybe. I just feel like, given these things, it should be more evenly split.

What do you think? And how should I bring it up?

—Grumpy About Rent

Dear Grumpy About Rent,

I understand the frustration, but honestly the rent split you agreed to is reasonable, and the case for changing it is weaker than you might think.

You’re paying more because you have the larger, sunnier bedroom—that’s a standard and widely accepted way to divide rent. You knew this going in and agreed to it. The fact that Erin uses the living room and kitchen more than you do doesn’t really change the equation. Those are shared spaces that come with the apartment, and Erin’s been there nine years—she’s built her life around this place. The way she uses her own home isn’t really a grievance you can bring to the table. And, those spaces are available to you, too.

There’s also a practical reality worth considering: Erin established this apartment long before you arrived. She vouched for you, brought you in through a friend, and helped you land a place that was—by your own account—significantly cheaper than what you were paying before. That goodwill has value. Asking for a split that you feel might be more fair could erode that goodwill.
That said, if you genuinely feel the split is unfair, you can raise the issue—but do so carefully. Don’t lead with how much she uses the living room or the kitchen. That will land as accusatory and likely damage the relationship. Instead, have a calm, friendly conversation about whether there’s any flexibility in how costs are divided, framed as a financial conversation rather than a complaint about her habits.

I’ll end where I started: a $1,900 apartment with a stable, long-term roommate in a market where rents keep climbing is worth protecting.

Dear Pay Dirt,

My dad just brought a brand-new car and gave me his old car, a pick-up truck. I needed a car so bad, so it was really great of him to do that. He’d just put a new transmission in it, which cost him $5,000. The car is worth about $10,000. (He put the transmission in knowing he planned to give it to me.) The problem is that the truck is really huge and I’m not terribly comfortable driving it. I’ve always driven smaller cars. I would really like to trade it in for something smaller. But when my dad gave it to me, he’d said that the “condition” was that I’d help him out when he needed a truck (this is probably like, twice year now, he used to do a lot of projects in the house, but not really anymore). Obviously if I trade it in I won’t be able to do that deal. I have the title of the car and I’m paying insurance, he fully gave it to me. Would it be wrong of me to trade it in? And how should I tell him?

—Not a Truck Gal

Dear Not a Truck Gal,

Legally, the truck is yours—the title is in your name, you’re paying the insurance, and your dad fully transferred it to you. You can do what you want with it.

But I don’t think that’s really what you’re asking. You’re asking whether it would be wrong, and whether your dad would feel hurt if you trade it in. Those are fair questions.

Here’s what I see: Your dad put $5,000 into that transmission knowing he was giving it to you. That’s a generous and loving thing to do. The “condition” he attached—help him move things twice a year—was less a legal contract and more the language of a parent who wanted you to feel like it was a fair exchange rather than a handout. It was his way of preserving your dignity while doing something nice for you.

So before you trade it in, talk to him. Tell him honestly that you’re grateful for the gift and you appreciate what he put into it, but that the truck is just too big for you to drive comfortably and safely. Ask him how he’d feel about you trading it in for something smaller. He may surprise you—most parents just want their kids to be safe. If he balks, you can always offer to sell the car and reimburse him the $5,000 he put into it.

Here’s something else worth mentioning: If he does still need help moving things occasionally, you can rent a truck for as little as $20 an hour at your local home improvement store or a van from a car rental agency. It’s an inexpensive way to show up for him without needing to own a vehicle you’re not comfortable driving. Offer that as part of the conversation—it shows you’re still committed to the spirit of the original deal, even if the truck is gone.

Lead with gratitude and honesty, and you’ll be fine.

—Ilyce

Classic Prudie

I’m a graduate student in evolutionary biology. I think science is the best way to understand the mechanisms by which the universe works. I also occasionally attend Catholic Mass and remain drawn to the story of Jesus. My problem is that the people I work with frequently say terribly insulting things about religion and religious people. Many members of my department seem to think that anyone who isn’t a militant atheist must be a creationist. Usually, I just keep my mouth shut. Do you think I should continue to keep quiet when my co-workers insult religion, or is there something I could say to get them to stop, without making them dismiss me as a brainwashed idiot?

Never miss new Slate Advice columns

Get the latest from Prudie and our columnists in your inbox each weekday, plus special bonus letters on Saturdays.

Email address:

Send me updates about Slate special offers.

By signing up, you agree to our Privacy Policy and Terms.

Sign Up