Our advice columnists have heard it all over the years—so we’re diving into the Pay Dirt archives to share classic letters with our readers. Submit your own questions about money here. (It’s anonymous!)
Dear Pay Dirt,
My husband and I recently started the housebuying process with a gorgeous home in a perfect area. Despite the hot housing market, the house had been on the market for about a month. We were absolutely over the moon—we qualified for down payment assistance, and the sellers would help with closing costs per our contract. We put down $2,000 in earnest money, which was everything we had saved up. This was the only way we could afford a house, and we felt so lucky.
But quickly after the sellers accepted our offer, they started acting squirrelly. Evidence suggested they were still showing the house after accepting our offer (our contract didn’t have a kick-out); they asked to amend later so they could accept “backup” offers (we didn’t accept); they demanded that they not be required to turn over the keys during closing until they received everything from our loan distributor; and there were other actions insinuating we would somehow breach.
Things got really bad after the inspection. The house needs a new roof, there’s a gas leak, the dryer vent and old wiring is a fire hazard, the foundation is starting to crack. The inspection cost about $2,000, but with the sellers covering closing costs, we thought we would be OK. The sellers asked for an extra two weeks so they could talk to contractors, and we were happy to oblige. But after the full two-week period, they decided to just terminate the contract rather than make any offer of repairs or a discount at all.
I don’t think they ever wanted to sell to us, honestly. And our realtor thinks they did this so that they could put the house back on the market without having to tell other potential buyers of these serious problems. She doesn’t trust the sellers’ agent to be honest in the disclosures, but there’s no proof they weren’t honest with us. Now, we have to pay for the inspection because there is no closing, and our savings that let us potentially buy a house in the first place are wiped out.
I feel like I’ve been scammed and had my dream of homeownership stolen from me. I’m heartbroken, and furious that these sellers would waste our time and our money and treat us so disrespectfully in the process. Is there anything at all that I can do, either to recover what we’ve lost or to make this inspection public so that other buyers aren’t scammed the same way we were?
—How Can People Be So Cruel?
Dear Cruel,
The housing market is very competitive right now, as I know you know, and I could definitely see how you would feel misled. A dream you thought was in reach is now gone. But you might just have to chalk this up as a lesson learned in a shady (and expensive!) matter.
Contrary to what HGTV portrays, deals fall through ALL the time, taking the money spent for inspections with them. “While inspections are pricey, I have only been asked for a refund once, which I declined,” shares Tom, the real estate guru behind the Frugal Gay. Tom, who owns over 18 homes across the states of Texas and Ohio, says: “A $2,000 inspection sounds a bit ridiculous. The most I have spent was $1,600 for a four-unit building. But think, this expensive inspection could have saved you tens of thousands of dollars in fixing up a money pit of a house.”
Tom has a very good point. Houses are expensive—especially houses with problematic foundations. If spending $2,000 wiped you out, then you are probably not ready to own a home, and especially not this one. Assistance programs only cover so much, and rarely do they cover anything maintenance-wise. Anything can go wrong at any time, so besides having a down payment saved up, you’ll still need an emergency fund to help weather the storms called homeownership.
I’m so sorry this happened to you, and I hope that in a few years—with luck and work, from the comfort of the much better home you’ll own in the future!—you’ll be able to see the silver lining to the situation.
—Athena Valentine
From: I’m Furious About What The Seller Of Our Dream House Just Did To Us. (January 25th, 2022).
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Dear Pay Dirt,
I am an early-career professional working in an amazing but notoriously badly paid industry. Since I specialized in a niche area, I am lucky to be earning a much higher salary than the industry standard. However, wages seem to plateau at this stage, and I need a higher income in the next five to 10 years to be accepted for a mortgage.
If I were to move up in my current company, I would have to take a high-stress role for hardly any extra money, but next-level jobs at other companies are advertising at $8,000 less than my current salary! Do I stay in my current role for the next five years to build up savings, but risk hindering my professional development? Or is there a way I can move to another company but negotiate a significantly higher salary, based on my current trajectory?
—Beginners’ Luck Has Me Stuck
Dear Beginners’ Luck,
I think it’s worth it to interview for roles at other companies and see if you can negotiate a better salary. It’s rare that a company would make an offer that they know is significantly below what you’re making now if they genuinely want to hire you. It’s also good to see what your market value is occasionally, even if you have no intention of leaving. It’ll help you understand what you should be making in your current job.
Ultimately, the decision you make is a function of your personal preferences and how much you value home ownership or don’t. Not everyone cares that much about owning a home, and some people only care about career advancement because they want to be homeowners. Maybe you want both on some level, but you need to decide which one is more important if you have to prioritize one or the other.
But there’s no reason not to check out opportunities in your industry that might pay better if they know what your salary is now. At least then you know, concretely, what your options are, instead of guessing.
—Elizabeth Spiers
From: My Relative Made A Catastrophic Financial Decision. Is He Beyond Help? (January 7th, 2022).
Dear Pay Dirt,
My spouse’s older sibling and their spouse relocated to our state a few years ago and live a few miles from us. They are of lesser financial means than ourselves. They repeatedly make awkward snarky comments about our financial situation, such as suggesting they could be our butler, live in our basement, or most often stating we have “more money than God.” Logically, I know this likely comes from a place of insecurity and jealousy but that doesn’t make it okay. My spouse and this sibling had the same educational opportunities; my spouse chose to put themselves through undergrad and grad school and work long hours for years in corporate America before retiring.
We are far from the wealth that normally would receive such comments—no private jets or luxury cars. We have made good financial choices, saved, and do have a comfortable life. The sibling and spouse did not pursue higher education, had long periods of unemployment/underemployment, and make less sound financial decisions. They have received two large loans from my spouse which they never paid back or even spoke of again. We also gave them money a third time, knowing a loan would not be repaid. We are sick of the comments. I know it drives my spouse crazy. We have tried ignoring it and laughing it off but the backhanded comments continue. What advice do you have for something we could say that would be clear we aren’t okay with it, and shut it down, but not destroy the relationship? We like to spend time with them if not for this problem. We wouldn’t dream of making snarky comments about their lives/choices, we would just like them to stop making them about ours.
—Definitely Less Money Than God
Dear Less Money,
It’s not uncommon for siblings to take different paths after being given the same opportunity—sometimes leading one of them to blame the other when things don’t turn out their way. But that’s not on you, and you’re right; the jabs aren’t okay. The easiest way to shut it down and to keep it from happening less often is to set a boundary and stick to it.
Next time they make a snide comment about having a lot of money, try saying, “I understand that our dynamic with money makes you feel uncomfortable, but that does not mean it’s okay to take jabs at us. Please stop the backhanded compliments moving forward.”
Boundaries do require action, so it’s important to have a game plan in case they continue. If they keep up the remarks, reiterate your previous statement, firmly, “I already expressed that we are no longer doing this,” and leave the room. You might want to consider spending some time away from them so they will understand how seriously you’re taking this. Good luck.
—A.V.
From: My Spouse’s Sibling Can’t Stop Making Snarky Comments About How “Rich” We Are. (May 12th, 2023).
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