In Sex Reviews, writers offer a sober critical assessment of the sex scenes in new films and television series. This installment contains spoilers for Babygirl.
Nestled amid a nice little set of Christmas releases is Babygirl, an erotic thriller set during the holidays, written and directed by Halina Reijn of Bodies, Bodies, Bodies fame. The film stars Nicole Kidman as Romy, a work-addicted CEO of a robotics company, who lives with her play-directing, gray-goatee-sporting husband Jacob (Antonio Banderas) and two teenage daughters in a gorgeous Manhattan apartment.
Romy’s creeping dissatisfaction with the rounds of Botox, therapy, and meetings that make up her life comes to a head when she meets Samuel, an intern at her company, played by hyper-handsome English actor Harris Dickinson. In fits and starts, the Gen X Romy and Gen Z Samuel discover that they have a very particular type of chemistry: She wants to be told what to do, and he’s willing to tell her.
This movie has plenty of sex scenes, but still, at least one Letterboxd reviewer thought it “would’ve worked better if they went all out and made this a porno.” Does Slate culture writer Nadira Goffe agree? Does Slate senior editor Rebecca Onion? Let’s find out.
0:00: We Start Right Out With Some Marital Congress
Rebecca Onion: Those in the always-subtitles hive will see a description of what Nicole Kidman’s doing—“BREATHING HEAVILY”—before any other image. She is on top, having sex with her husband. She looks like she’s having an orgasm, kind of arches her back a bit, and exchanges I- love-you’s with him.
I loved the way the shot of her from above also includes his legs in the frame. I always feel like a guy’s legs are so weirdly vulnerable, almost vestigial in this position, and it works well to see Banderas’ here, because you can tell that all is not well with them—his frown-y orgasm face is a little bit concerned. And he should be, because her next move is to take herself to her home office (their apartment is so big!) and pull up some porn.
Nadira: The start of this film made me laugh because it asks you to believe in a fantasy where Banderas isn’t as sexually appealing as “the other guy” and, man, what a suspension of disbelief! I loved the way this was shot, the way it opens the film, and I love the stakes it sets. This is a wife who is incredibly powerful at work, but feels the need to protect her husband’s emotions in the bedroom. Which is also funny, because he’s a theater director, so, plausibly, his entire job is about channeling and evoking passion. There’s a scene later on where Romy tries to have more agency in her sex life with Jacob, telling him she wants to watch porn while they have sex, but she backs down when he balks at the idea. Then, she tries but fails to get him to finger her while her head is covered with a pillow—“It makes me feel like a villain,” he says—before just going along with the usual sex that leaves her wanting. It’s no surprise, then, that the arrival of Samuel would pique Romy’s interest.
38:50: Romy and Samuel’s First Actual Sexual Encounter, in a Dirty Hotel Room He Rented
Nadira: There’s a lot that happens in between those first moments of the film and her first real, sexually intimate experience with Samuel. For one, there’s the failed attempt of bringing her kinks into sexy time with her husband. And then, of course, there’s all of her increasingly intimate encounters with Samuel in public. He’s a cheeky li’l bugger, constantly negging her, asking her teasing questions, and staring at her like she’s the only intriguing person who has ever existed. And Romy watches him, constantly. When she finds his tie on the floor after a rambunctious holiday party, she takes it to her office and gives it a deep sniff before hungrily gnawing on it. During the first meeting of their mentee-mentor relationship, Samuel looks into her soul and says, “I think you like to be told what to do,” and when Romy then rushes to leave, he blocks the door, the unbearable sexual tension leading to their first kiss. (For which Romy is deeply apologetic and discomposed. In fact, she spends the whole movie seemingly discomposed.) Afterward, at an office happy hour, Samuel sends a glass of milk over to Romy. They lock eyes from across the bar as Romy downs the entire glass. And when Romy stays behind her employees to pay the tab, Samuel leaves last, walking behind her and whispering “good girl” as the “Lacrimosa” from Mozart’s Requiem cues up.
Samuel leaves Romy a note to meet in a scuzzy hotel room, where Romy waits for him, ceremoniously studying strangers’ hair on the bed. She tries to call the whole thing off when he arrives—“What you’re doing is wrong,” she says—but we all know she’s lying, simply because she showed up. She goes to leave but doesn’t make it out the door, hungrily kissing him, which he rejects, before he goes on to give her orders. He makes his demands very calmly: Go stand in the corner with her face to the wall, get on all fours, crawl to him and eat a candy out the palm of his hand, spit the candy back into his hand, etc. After the charade, he places her lying down on her stomach, kneels beside her, and fingers her from behind. The camera remains fixed on Romy, who is both enjoying it and ashamed she’s enjoying it—an incredible moment from Kidman—and when she finally climaxes, she erupts into a sob. Samuel holds her and tells her it’s OK.
I’m being long-winded about this because it’s simply one of the most captivating builds of sexual tension, and one of the most emotional sex scenes, I think I have ever seen on film. What to do with shame, whether it’s appropriate to feel it, the burden of it—this is one of the movie’s main themes, and at every point you both know and question the myriad motivations of both Romy and Samuel. It’s a masterclass in emotional complexity, when sex scenes are too often depicted with a lack of nuance on-screen. The way Samuel looks at Romy, the way Romy gives in, the strategizing behind both of their eyes—it’s impossible to look away from them.
Rebecca: The long-windedness is merited. What I absolutely love about the lead-up to this encounter, and the encounter itself, is how it sets Samuel up as a guy who’s experimenting with this stuff as well. When he tells Romy to get on her knees, and she says no, he starts laughing, and says, “I don’t know … is that what you want? Be honest.” He’s feeling out a character, like a guest at a murder-mystery party who’s a little embarrassed to get into a role, and it really works for this scene.
Yet somehow, despite all his tentativeness, he puts her in exactly the same supine position she put herself in earlier, when she was watching porn in her home office. How did he know? I love the fact that you don’t see his face at all during this part, the way she protests that she’s going to pee and doesn’t want to, and the way that the camera shows you her hands—the only thing on 57-year-old Nicole Kidman that looks aged. (There are a few other “old hands” moments in the film, and I really appreciate that Kidman let the director do that.)
49:50: A Montage of Romy and Samuel’s Trysts, Set to INXS’s “Never Tear Us Apart”
Rebecca: The aboveground world of Romy’s life—meetings in her office (sounds like the company’s doing well), sweet moments at her apartment where she’s sleeping in a bed with her husband and daughters—alternates with scenes of her getting absolutely rocked by Samuel. They have sex (she faces the wall) in what looks like a stairwell, he breaks a mug in her office and commands her to clean it up, and she kisses his shoes. The girl is lost!
Nadira: First, I want to say thank you to the sound director and music supervisor and composers of this film. The score and every needle drop are damn near perfect! With that being said: I mean, I guess it’s kind of hot? I think the mileage may vary when it comes to appreciation for the dom/sub kink—but there’s something to be said for a woman finally getting what she wants after being starved of it for years.
1:01: Poor Jacob Tries to Have Sex with Romy, and She Is Repelled
Nadira: Oy vey! Romy’s understandably on edge—after a tiff, Samuel wants to transfer to a different department, leaving Romy worried that her career might be over if word gets out that she’s been screwing a subordinate. And then, of course, there’s the clarity that Romy may have lost her only access to sex that works for her. Poor Jacob tries to initiate intercourse, and after kissing for a couple seconds, she violently pushes him away. She fesses up: “I’ve never had an orgasm with you.” And when he reaches out to comfort her, she viciously recoils. I feel so bad for this man who has committed a crime he knows nothing about! Romy is angry about a number of things, and takes her frustration out on him. But he has, unknowingly, been one of the many sources of her exasperation and disappointment. The truth had to come out, but—ouch!
Rebecca: I really, really hated how Jacob asked her if she wanted to “play,” which may be a “me” thing, but that hatred from me, rising up during this particular scene, worked really well, given that Romy is utterly disgusted by him. The line also works on a different level given that she’s been “playing” with Samuel, without them really calling it that—and it’s been really great. The contrast between that relationship and this one, where it seems like she hasn’t had fun during sex for years, if she ever did—it’s too much, and I can see why she cracks.
1:06: Romy and Samuel’s Intense Conversation in a Private Room at the Office
Nadira: This starts as a table-turn of a scene from the first mentorship meeting between Romy and Samuel. Romy is worried about losing her husband, her job, and Samuel—Samuel, with the upper hand this time, is scared he’s being used for some alleged self-sabotage on Romy’s part. But, like always, he sees the real her, and he toys with it like he has been since the start. What is very funny to me is Samuel saying what they do is normal “as long as it’s consensual” and Romy responding: “What does that mean?” The conversation is full of small yet meaningful callbacks to their earlier moments. And then, when Samuel gets Romy to basically admit that she wants what they have to continue, they’re right back to their illicit affair.
I think this scene is so interesting because I can’t necessarily tell what Samuel wants, or what it is about this arrangement that he is attracted to. Is it just the power and domination of calling the shots with a big-time business shot-caller? What does he, who seems genuinely like a child at times and very perceptive at others, get out of it?
Rebecca: The first time I watched this scene, I was like, “Ah, this is the movie trying to do callbacks to other erotic thrillers of the past”—a gender-flipped version of a scene common in the “dangerous romance gone bad” trope, where the outside love interest starts making vague threats, and you think to yourself, “Uh-oh—this isn’t going to turn out well.” That’s sort of what’s happening here, but it’s also just Samuel figuring out that what she wants (as she says to her husband later on) is sex that has “stakes” to it. He caps the conversation by having her sit next to him on the table, and fingering her, but so briefly that there’s nothing anyone could really get out of it—it’s just a gesture, sealing the deal, him telling her “We will continue,” and her saying “Yes.” (This movie is brilliant at that kind of moment.)
1:08: Second Hotel-Room Encounter, This Time in a Fancy One Romy Rents
Rebecca: Romy rents a hotel room so large that Samuel, as he explores it, adorably shouts to her “There’s a whole other living room here!” Samuel finally gets Romy to take off her clothes—in this case, a gorgeous burnt-umber strapless evening gown—in front of him. There is a little bit of making amends here–earlier, when they were fighting, he had said something fairly diminishing to her about not wanting a girlfriend, especially not her, because she’s a “mom.” (Ouch.) I think there’s something about her nakedness and his approval of it that’s supposed to be a “fix” to that moment, whether he’s conscious of that or not. He dances to George Michael’s “Father Figure,” shirt off, with a glass in his hand, and honestly? Harris Dickinson can do whatever he wants to me. I get it.
Nadira: There are a few moments in that movie that made me fall in love with Harris Dickinson. Him dancing shirtless to George Michael is definitely one of them—and we don’t have another 50 pages to hear me spill about the genius of the rave scene. This is also the specific moment where I thought to myself: I wish we got more shirtless Dickinson throughout the movie.
This montage is chock-full of some great content: Samuel sticking his fingers in Romy’s mouth; Samuel pouring milk into a saucer, prompting Romy to crawl around like a cat and lick it up; them having sex on the bed; at one point, Romy even suggests that their safe word be her husband’s name—Samuel agrees. It ends with them having a truly sweet conversation in bed, which I love because it’s one of those moments where Samuel’s insecurities come through again. Samuel asks if he’s a bad person, and Romy assures him he’s not—he’s attuned to people’s needs, like you and I have been saying throughout this conversation, and isn’t that a marvel?
1:40 Samuel Calms Jacob Down During a Panic Attack
Nadira: Man—what was going on here?! Though Romy comes clean about her cheating, she lied about the parameters—and in this moment everything comes to a head when Jacob finds out that Romy has been cheating with her much younger intern, when he finds them at the family’s country house, after they’ve made out in the (heated?) backyard pool. Naturally, Jacob loses his shit. But he gets calmed down by Samuel, in a moment that seems almost amorous with how emotional and informal it is. Samuel touches his forehead to Jacob’s forehead, and they inhale together. Somehow, it works—Samuel, the young man who has been having very high-octane sex with his wife for months, helps Jacob cool off.
Does everyone want to fuck Samuel? Is that what’s going on here? (I certainly would consider it …) Or is he just a magical elf of emotional intelligence who can see through to people and give them what they want and need, like we were saying earlier? I didn’t know what to make of this, but I liked it as a twist on our expectations.
Rebecca: I think he’s a magical elf, and I love how this whole scene unfolds in the living room where the family’s Christmas tree is lit up and shining. This scene works so well in the narrative, because without it, you wouldn’t see how Jacob “gets” why Romy would go for Samuel. Before the panic attack, Jacob tells Samuel that Romy “abused” him. Jacob seems to have assumed that Romy, his hard-charging wife, was of course the dom in this relationship, and Samuel was the sub, because (as he says) “female masochism is nothing but a male fantasy.” “You’re wrong,” Samuel says. “That’s a dated idea of sexuality. I’m sorry, but you don’t understand.”
And that, I think, is what sets Jacob off—seeing how deeply he misunderstood his wife, misunderstood everything; being told, by clear implication, that he’s too old to understand his wife. Samuel talking him down, so intimately close, helping him breathe, shows Jacob just what Romy found appealing. I think we’re supposed to think that it’s the impact of this knowledge that leads to the next scene.
1:46: Romy and Jacob Try It Out.
Rebecca: Romy and Jacob are together in bed. They kiss. Then she lies down on the pillow, Jacob covers her face with his hand, then presses her head down into the pillow with it. She plays a mind-video of Samuel, in the first dirty hotel room where they got together, petting the dog that he had tamed on the street when we first saw him, way back at the beginning of the movie. Jacob fingers her, fairly violently. She seems to come? Do you think she came? Too bad she had to do it while thinking of her lover, but, I guess, baby(girl) steps?
Nadira: I think she did, given her mental imagery of someone else. I also was really glad that the movie brought us back to that early scene of Samuel calming down the dog, and telling it “good girl,” because, given the comparisons, either Romy sees herself in the dog or the movie is drawing the comparison. I don’t know what to make of it (much like the characters in the story), but I know how it makes me feel. And I think that’s the underlying understanding that the characters have, too. In many ways, Romy is still protecting Jacob and his ego—but it’s refreshing that he’s willing to try to meet her where she is, assuring her that she’s not a bad person for wanting something different out of sex and intimacy.
Overall
Nadira: We usually end Sex Reviews by ranking how horny this movie made us, on a scale of 1 to 10. For me, I’m giving this a high 8! Not all of what’s displayed in the sex scenes resonated with me—if someone told me to crawl around like a cat and sop up some milk, or really, ingest any milk at all—which happens twice in this movie for some reason—I would hightail it out of there. But the dynamic between the two, the things that led to their amazing sexual connection—intimacy, assurance, vulnerability, trust—certainly do resonate. Not to mention, Harris Dickinson is unbelievably effing hot in this movie! That voice? Those eyes? That rave scene?!
Rebecca: As a lactose-tolerant American, I would certainly consider the saucer. And as a lover of an alpha hero who’s assertive and confident, but never a dick, I give this one a 9. Good girl!